Michael's Musings

Tender Age In Bloom
Michael Shinafelt

Things here there and everywhere are in bloom. Not to mention tis the season for allergies...

Younger than Springtime, yet light as a feather, WTF am I even saying?! If you can figure it out let me know. Onward to spread some more F#ckery!

Screw everything else, that's all

I've never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me

Remember back before Only Fans when your Mom just sold Avon?

Boobytrap spelled backwards is Partyboob

Let's welcome whatever fresh Hell the day has to offer, shall we? We shall!

She's all out for kicks, the more you know...

Read the vowels in Celine Dion out loud. You're welcome!

Call me when you resurrect

Woman Crush Of The Week - Melanie Griffith as Holly in Body Double. Perfection!

And what if we are lying for the greater good???

Don't dream it, be it

I'm HAF, there's that

Usually I pull back a couple of inches

Drip, drop, drip, drop

Join me in more foolishness here -

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MIchael's Musings

A Total Eclipse Of The Heart
Michael Shinafelt

The Solar Eclipse happened this past Monday and it was amazing! We had a partial one here in Los Angeles, CA and I will be forever grateful to the woman in my yoga class for giving everyone eclipse glasses, because without them the view would have been considerably diminished. 

I got an up close and personal detailed view it was truly inspiring, great start to the week. Time to motor...

Damnit, I wish one of my personalities liked to clean, the more you know

Careful it's a gusher, that's all

The trailer to Ti West's upcoming flick in his X horror trilogy Maxxxine looks off the f#cking hook!!!

Well the eclipse has come and gone, Beyonce dropped a country album and still no rapture

I would rather light both my arms on fire than going to something as boring as a puppy shower

Stick to the story and eat me! There's that.

For the record the solar eclipse yoga class referenced above was spectacular not to mention quite hallucinatory, green energy surrounded me

 Our minds and brains can evolve. Challenge yourself not to be the same person you were.

Woman Crush of the Week - Kim Kardashian as Siobhan Corbyn on the current season of AHS: Delicate. She is fearless and the main attraction

203 days until Halloween!

On my Bucket List - Have a karaoke party in Hell

Happy Belated Birthday to Kristen Stewart on of my personal favorites '

Why limit happy to an hour?!

And now for something really scary...

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Michael's Musings

"I'm Not A Whore, I'm A Dancer!"
Michael Shinafelt

It's been 29 years since the over the top, camp classic movie Showgirls was released. I have personally seen it south of 10 times. To this day it I still draw inspiration from it.

Bear witness to me on the subway in Los Angeles doing my best Nomi Malone licking a pole impression. There you have it, that's all...

Don't slut shame, slut celebrate!!!

I'm affable as F#ck you twat, the more you know

Evil queens are just Disney princessess who worked in customer service too long

The Evil Putana Says: I'll smear my breasts and feed the babies, so there!

Headline of the Week: Great tits could be wiped out by climate change in the near future (for the record a Great Tit is a breed of bird)

Strip faster let's see some private areas, there's that

"See Darlin' you are a whore." Couldn't have a column referencing Showgirls without this iconic line straight outta Cristal Connors

Katie Maloney for the win on Vanderpump Rules

Woman Crush of the Week - Sydney Sweeney who manages to look hot in a Nun's Habit of all things for her movie Immaculate

Where does your opinion come from? Think about it, but not too much

Apparently when you treat people like the treat you, they get upset

Tom Sandoval is doing himself no favors on Vanderpump Rules this season, he's making himself look so much worse than last season

The monster at the end of this story...what did you think I was going to actually give it away?!

Off to bend it like Nomi and lick some more poles

Come on my pole licking adventure here -

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

See the above image? "Yes" I took one of those silly Facebook quiz thingies and this was the result. 

What can I say sometimes they are pretty accurate, that's all...

Save a horse, ride a cowgirl

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. And stupid. We should be scared sh!tless of stupid.

She was marked with the curse of those who slink at night

Remember, everything is peachy keen. Peachy F#cking keen.

"Donald Trump selling bibles is like Marjorie Taylor Greene selling self-help books." - Dan Rather

I have never insulted anyone. I simply describe them accurately, the more you know

Looking forward to hearing Beyonce's cover of Jolene by Dolly Parton

"Valarie" the shot doumentary on Valerie Perrine is a must see

Woman Crush of the Week - Lindsay Lohan who gives another great comedic perdormance in Irish Wish on Netflix

217 days until Halloween...

Why do we only rest in peace. Why don't we live in peace too

Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room. It goes to the fudge room!

People need to stop putting quarters in the mothman's ass crack

Angelic me is off to do something dirty

Wanna know what dirty thing I'm doing, find out here -

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Michael's Musings

I Know What To Do - I Think I'll Call My Crew...
Michael Shinafelt

"What your momma used to say - All work - No play

I know what to do - I think I'll call my crew

Of course, I love you - but naughty boys need fun too - I wanna have some fun!" - I Wanna Have Some Fun, Samantha Fox

This week I've been busy having some fun! That's correct Minions, fun has been number one on my play list for the week. It's a good thing to check in at the check out motel. If you know, you know...Thus there is not full column this week. I am busy! 

Woman Crush Of The Week - Theresa Russell who turned 67 yesterday. She's starred in Bad Timing, Black Widow and many others. She's one of my favorite actresses and must be acknowledged. She's hot!

Have fun with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Pleasure Is A Radical Act
Michael Shinafelt

Pleasure is a radical act. Let that sink in. In these off kilter times why is it we feel bad about making ourselves feel good?

We not only do ourselves a disservice by not doing so, we do those and the world around us dirty as well. The energy we put out into the world matters. Pleasure should not be a radical act, yet it is. Moving forward with pleasure...

Remember everything is peachy keen. Peachy F#cking keen!!!

Admit it. At least one time in your life you seriously tried to move an object using the force

Show of hands who thought Sutton's "incident" on RHOBH last  night was 100% staged? ✋

Also about last night. Who thinks Kyle is skirting how involved she is with Morgan Wade? ✋

Stop fighting your demons and start working with them, damn it!

I'm a toy, come and play with me, say the word now, the more you know...

Pierced nipples taste like house keys, fight me

My probem with Vanderpump Rules this season? Tom Sandoval is such a douche and he's uncomfortable to watch, there I said it!!!

Woman Crush of the Week - This is a TBT thing, a shout out to Bo Derek, one of my first female crushes. I had this poster on my bedroom door. 

Thursday is officially Law & Order: SVU night in my abode, a new episode airs tonight!!!

I want to run naked in a rainstorm, alright I have done this for real it's no longer a bucket list item

Demonic Flatulence, the more you smell, the more bats die

I'm writing a book: 101 Uses For A Stick Of Butter

Getting my downward dog on at Hollywood Forever today...

What do you have cooking, good looking?

Spill the tea with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Take A Chance You Stupid Ho
Michael Shinafelt

"What if they say that you're a climber?, Naturally I'm worried if I do it alone, Who really cares? 'Cause it's your life,You never know, it could be great, Take a chance 'cause you might grow" - What You Waiting For? Gwen Stefani 

What Gwen says, indeed...Let's go!!!

Become an air fryer repair man and drown in pu$$y, the more you know...

The curse of the one ply toilet paper is really a thing

Desperately seeking Doofy Stink Pup...

“Why don’t you f*ck off?” Marjorie Taylor Greene loses it when asked about “Jewish space lasers” by British journalist Emily Maitlis. File this under The Truth Hurts!

Mark Ruffalo's photo spread in Perfect Magazine, that's all (in case you were wondering "Yes" I think he looks hot in it)

Chucky is back April 10th - get ready to gird your loins!!!

OK, I'll admit that I am looking forward to seeing Lindsay Lohan in Irish Wish coming March 15th to Netflix, yay!

238 days more to go until Halloween, Boo!

Woman Crush of the Week - Naoomi Watts who is slaying as Babe Paley in FEUD: Capote V Swans

Britney Spears really took the "Dance Like Nobody's Watching" to heart I see...

Anyone feeling Spring vibes yet? Anyone???

Do your own thing and not anyone else's, got it?!

Finally saw Sofia Coppola's Priscilla, loved seeing her side of the life she lived with Elvis, Kudos!

What kind of chances are you taking today???

Tell me here -

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

Ever feel like you are in an Alternate Universe? I know I did yesterday when I walked 1.5 miles home from brunch at the Alcove in Los Feliz. I had my usual the tuna melt with truffle fries and a margarita. Then I proceeded to walk home because it was such a beautiful day (I took an Uber there) and the next thing I knew I arrived at my place and have no real memory of the walk home other than it was tranquil and I felt like I was being guided by a higher power.

Did I go mad and heal some buried wounds??? Perhaps, or...time for some aMUSEment!!!

#ANALBUMCOVER I read it wrong too, great minds think alike

I take super hot showers to practice burning in Hell, the more you know... 

Tis a glorious day to be a twat, that's all

While I think the title is terrible I am intrigued by the upcoming horror movie I Saw The TV Glow currently with a 90% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes

Alright who is with me when I say Dorit Kemsley needs to get the boot from RHOBH? 

Rest In Power Richard Lewis 

245 days until Halloween, in case you were wondering

Hey the gang is all here, where are you???

Woman Crush of the Week - Remembering Elizabeth Taylor who recently had a Birthday on February 27th. She was a unique one of a kind star and HIV/AIDS Activist. She'll always be my Maggie The Cat!

Miley Cyrus drops Doctor (Work It Out) with Pharrell Friday

Toilet Paper math is the hardest kind of math

Are you brave enough to be weird?!?!

"Stuns" is the most over used adjective on Social Media IMO

Wonder what Alternate Universe I'll visit today?

Find out here -

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Michael's Musings

No Dark Sarcasm
Michael Shinafelt

 All in all, it's just another brick in the wall...I'm feeling my provocative side of late, thus I am retalitating against being just another "brick" today (and every day for that matter) that's it, that's all.

So, what's on your agenda today? All hail dark sarcasm! Time to get it Minions!!!

I'm not just going to Hell...I'm going to Hell on a full scholarship, so there!

Sometimes we ought to go mad, so we can heal buried wounds

Overthinkers at 3am: Where the Hell is my Birth Certificate?!?!

Dear music, thank you for always clearing my head, healing my heart, and lifting my spirits. 

So how about that anti-climatic season finale of RHOBH last night???

BTW Spread cheeks, not hate

Enjoy the meaty peaness, think about it, but not too much

This week's earworm? Padam, Padam by Kylie Minogue 

Woman Crush of the Week - Phoebe Cates  in Fast Times At Ridgemont High, if you know, you know.

Happy belated 21st Birthday to Olivia Rodrigo

Mark Ruffalo, that's all anyone needs 

You can go deeper than that Archie, the more you know...

Slowly realizing that this is going to be a very long year...sigh

I'm off into the world to provoke, have a great day!

Find out what dark sarcasm I get up to here -

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Michael's Musings

Life's Too Short To Obey All The Rules
Michael Shinafelt

Life's too short to obey all the rules, and if you do, you miss all the fun!!! That's correct Minions live your life on your terms and break the rules you can, because no one is getting out of here alive.

What's that  you say? Why am I being so morbid? Oh I am being quite the opposite of that, it's called living my best life, and I truly have been for a while now. Sometimes you need a reminder to continue to do so. Some of us need to be encouraged to just do it, putting my best foot forward in gratitude, let's hit it!

Please, test that assumption and then take note of the results aka How to professionally say: F#ck around and find out, the more you know...

FYI Don't count your chickens because nobody cares how many chickens you've got

If you had to lose your virginity to one item off the Taco Bell menu what would it be?!?! Mine? Mexican Pizza

Question: Why would Satan torture people in Hell for disobeying the same God he disobeyed??? Think about it, but not too much.

Hope you all bought yourself flowers and had a Happy Valentine's yesterday!

Winner of my favorite Valentine card yesterday? A Saltburn themed one with an image of Barry Keoghan saying: I'd Drink Your Bath Water

Hey person that just got slightly angry with me for not remembering that we'd already met be...more...memorable, that's all

The Silence of the Lambs was released 33 years ago yesterday! Classic!

Woman Crush of the Week - Kristen Stewart, love this photo from her Rolling Stone cover story shoot! Can't wait to see Love Lies Bleeding!!!

Fun Fact: Did you know I am a big fan of Lana Del Rey? Now you do

Taylor Swift is the second coming of Christ, fight me on this (for those of you who may not get this is a joke in response to certain absurd conspiracy theories regarding her, it is)

Speaking of which, looks like Travis Kelce is Europe bound with Taylor Swift for her eras tour. Now that's the way to celebrate winning the Super Bowl!!!

When someone disturbs my energy with their drama I exit stage right

I'm off, wonder what rule I will choose not to obey today?!?!

Find out here -

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

In my defense the moon was full and I was left unsupervised...this is what transpired and I'm sticking to it! 

In other news one of the first people to ever befriends me in Los Angeles passed away unexpectedly yesterday. Photographer and Author Jay Jorgensen no one is quite sure why yet. With his passing and the one year anniversary of my Mom's transition recenlty it has been a time for reflection indeed. Time to crack that whip and muse Minions!!!

Wisdom has been chasing you, but you have always bee faster. Think about it, but not too much

Outgrow and depart from certain eras of your life with a gentle sort of ruthlessness

Has your pocket pussy become sentient?

Watch horror films...keep America strong, the more you know

Always remember, never forget: Merce is in the purse! - Erika Jayne RHOBH

Finally saw the Martin Scorsese film Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore starring Ellen Burstyn on Netflix - Great filmmaking and performances, especially Burstyn who an Oscar for her portrayal of Alice.

Fact: The average human will talk to 16 murderers during their lifetime

Glad Law & Order: SVU is finally back dun dun...!!!

Woman Crush of the Week - Molly Ringwald as Joanne Carson in FEUD: Capote vs The Swans. There's something about Molly...

Miley Cyrus winning a Grammy for and performing Flowers at The Grammys was everything!!!

Square One, my favorite neighborhood resaurant is open again for business on the weekends after shuttering for 6 months due to renovations, YAY!

If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be

Things that make you go hmmmmm...Jesus came with you on his mind

Well It's time for me to forge forward with things have a groovy Thursday!!!

Forge with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

I'm going to leave you with this and only this for the week, No truer words were spoken...

I'm paying too high a price for being in the prescence of my own mind!

Dear Mind, slow your roll, that's all

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Michael's Musings

Justify This!
Michael Shinafelt

I don't know about you but I'm feeling yummy today. I just returned from some much needed R&R and closure, and as they say my batteries have been recharged. I am now officially ready to forge a new path for myself. 

This also means that I have a new motto, the bottom line as it were. Like it states above "Justify This!" What's the motto? F#ck around and find out...that's all. Time to justify some more random things...

It's like she's in this giant condom, discuss...

One thing I am for sure doing in 2024 is letting go of my old grudges in order to make room for newer, stronger grudges

Small circle, Private life, Peaceful mind

FYI Even cowgirls have unmanageable diarrhea

Always remember Minions you are too fabulous to fit in!

So the actor playing Ken in Barbie gets an Oscar nomination and the actress who plays the title character does not. Make it make sense, oh wait it does...Misogyny is still alive and well

Finally got around to seeing Cocaine Bear - it blew, literally and figuratively 

In other news Horton Hires A Whore, the more you know...

Woman Crush of the Week - congratulations to Annette Benning on her much deserved 5th Oscar nomination for Nyad. Perhaps the 5th time will be the charm???

I won't let you leave until you've tried my tart

Clubs are extremely overrated. I'd rather be at home baking cookies and sucking d!ck!!!

Loving Crystal 2.0 on RHOBH, I suspect this has always been who she is, she's simply kept it hidden until now

Went putt putt golfing for the first time in forever this past week. I sunk the ball in 2 strokes on most of the greens, and the couple of other greens that were left 3 strokes, I'm King of the World!

Creating magic this week, oh yes I am

Join me in casting a spell here -

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Michael's Musings

Common Love Isn't For Us
Michael Shinafelt

It's been a hectic week Minions! Back to a full column next week, however to be honest, ya know TBH. This is the only thing occupying the corners of my mind this right here, right now...

"Common love isn't for us
We created something phenomenal
Don't you agree? Don't you agree?
You got me feeling diamond-rich
Nothing on this planet compares to it
Don't you agree? Don't you agree?" - Physical, Dua Lipa 

Fluff up your collective pilllows and don't be afraid to dream!

Grab a pillow and join me here -

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Michael's Musings

Reach Out And Touch Sombody's...
Michael Shinafelt

"Reach out and touch, Somebody's hand, Make this world a better place, If you can" - Diana Ross

"Yes" I know I am not touching somebody's hand, that's a sweet old fashioned notion, fer sure. My thought is reach out and touch somebody anyway they want it. Hand holding is tre passe.

A little Mind F#ck to change things up is always good for the soul, if you get my meaning and I'm sure you do. Thus we are Musing on Minions!!!

Sorry you had a bad day, you can touch my dick if you want

Hello, you are receiving this message because I really didn't enjoy you in 2023 and you will not be a part of my life in 2024. Have a great year, all decisions are final.

One day I will start behaving myself. Maybe tomorrow.

Trust your next chapter, because you are the author, discuss

Be still, go within, meditate, repeat...

For some reason I thought the rise of facism would have more showtunes

Satan is a Leather Man, fight me!

Heart is one of the greatest rock groups of all time, don't question this

Woman Crush of the Week - Lily Gladstone for being the first indiginous actress to win a Golden Globe for Killers of the Flower Moon!

I'm conducting prostate exams today, the more you know...

Thank you, but I prefer sausage with cream sauce, that's all

Keep your flair for the dramatic to yourself!!!

The man in the moon goosed the cow when they jumped over it, fact

Now to find my mind, I lost it the other day and can't seem to locate it...

Help me find it here -

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Michael's Musings

Silencio or Vito???
Michael Shinafelt

OK, so I'm back from the other dimension known as the Holiday Season and as promised full columns are now the rage again. 

While I'm not going to say 2024 is my year, or new year, new me. I do know I have been getting progressively bolder with the passing of time. So you have that to look forward to from me. Hence the experimental selfie portrait above. I was told it's very Sopranos, I was thinking it was more along the lines of something from a David Lynch film, thoughts? 

Raise your glasses and gird your loins let the musings commence!

Never the less they persisted, and found out I assume...

Don't you hate it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God? I mean God is great, but he's no Freddie Mercury

Remember you are the author of your next chapter, the more you know

She was laying in wait to make this conversation all about herself like a narcissistic velociraptor, you know who you are

Isn't Shampoo an odd word???

New Year, new me is easy to achieve if you have an alter ego, just saying...

There once was a Salty Seamen, that's all

#whoremembers If you first read this as "whore members" were probably already friends (or should be)

Woman Crush of the Week - Natalie Portman for her knock out performance in May December!!!

Mariah Carey has thankfully gone into hibernation for another year

That time at yoga when a preying mantis joined me on my mat. "No" I'm not joking

What happens around the cauldron stays around the cauldron

Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go

My thug name is Vito, find out where I'm headed here -

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

No full "Musings" column this week it will be back after the New Year. Speaking of 2024 I've noticed something different is in the air as 2023 draws to it's close...

Not a single person has said 2024 is going to be my year on Social Media. I see that everyone has learned their lesson.

Indeed!

Keep up with me all year round here -

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

Shall we play reindeer games? We shall!!

Hope you are surviving the Holiday Season, mine has been hectic, thus the month of December has not had a full Michael's Musings column.

They will return full throttle post Christmas.

Cheers!

Me and the joy of the season here!

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

I asked Santa: Hey Santa have I been big trouble this year? 

Santa replied: You're not trouble you just have no filter

Ho Ho Ho!!!

Check out my filter here -

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

Tis the season, give me a reason...

Ho, Ho, Ho and all that jingles!

Go ahead, give me a reason here -

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